


Making Shades of Purple

by alexenglish



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff and Smut, Getting Together, M/M, Reverse Chronology, Road Trips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 12:50:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9821210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexenglish/pseuds/alexenglish
Summary: Sometimes you have to get to where you're going to see where you've been.Or, Louis figures out he's in love with Niall. It's way less surprising than it should be.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mildly_Maddy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mildly_Maddy/gifts).



> the lovely, talented, amazing [Maddy](http://mildlymaddy.tumblr.com/) won a fic for Valentine's Day, and basically let me loose on an empty word doc with no expectations. thanks for trusting me more than I trust myself, Maddy, I sincerely hope this is everything you could possibly want it to be.
> 
> as usual, all my love and thanks to Kat for the beta.

 

 

It was so much brighter when they finally got back in the city. Late enough to miss the slow crawl of traffic, but early enough to catch the night while it was still alive.

During one of their later tours, Zayn had told Louis -- one of those times when they were tangled up on the bus lounge together, heads full of smoke -- that LA after dusk was a liminal space. One of those in between places that felt like a dream, not quite solid until it was being looked at straight on. Distorted neon lights and shadowy bystanders.

It used to freak Louis out, the electric undercurrent of it all, but it felt like home now.

Especially coming back from the trip -- the ocean west of them, endless stretches of strange highway and open sky. The only familiar constant was Niall in the car with him, even that was still wrapped in the newness of what they were doing.

It was a relief to know the streets he was driving on, to not have to think about where he was at. Nearly to Niall’s house. Then… well, he would figure it out.

Louis glanced at Niall. Every street lamp they passed under lit up his sleeping face -- he looked so much younger curled up in Louis’ passenger seat; mouth soft, hair fluffy and wavy, skin sun warm.

Not that he was old, but Louis thought it was different for them. So many laps around the globe changed their experiences. Rushed to grow up, learn what to say and when to say it. Not that they always listened, Louis was the best example of that, but it made them so conscious of themselves. Their entire lives were spent controlling how other people perceived them, and that made a difference.

Louis liked to think Niall was above that, but he knew better. All that effort to put up a front wore on Niall just like it did the rest of them. So like this, completely relaxed, was a novelty.

At the next red light, he pushed his hand through Niall’s thick hair, traced the shell of his ear, pressed his thumb to the bruise high on his throat. Niall’s pulse fluttered under the skin there. Louis could hardly breathe.

“Stop creepin’,” Niall said, voice thick and groggy as he turned to look at Louis. In the dark, his eyes were black and fathomless, glittering. The light turned green, so Louis drove.

“‘M not,” he said. It was weak. He definitely was.

When he looked over, Niall was smiling out the window, something sweet and self-satisfied that made Louis’ gut go warm.

“Almost home,” he said, barely audible over the radio. It was Ed, of course. This time it was Castle on the Hill. Definitely fitting. Maybe Niall realized it too, head rolling toward Louis to smile at him, corners curling like he was letting Louis in on a joke.

Maybe he was.

“Excited to get back then?” Louis asked, torn between teasing and genuinely curious.

“Excited to work, mess with those songs,” Niall said, with a shrug. He laughed, quiet and more self-conscious than Louis’d heard him sound in a long time. “Not like, excited to get back though.”

“Yeah?” Louis asked, after Niall went quiet. There was something lingering unsaid between them. Louis kept his eyes on the road and waited for it.

“It was just nice,” Niall said, after another moment. “Taking a break. Getting away… Getting away with you.”

Louis couldn't keep himself from grinning. When he looked over at Niall, Niall was already watching him. Their eyes met; Niall rolled his.

“Our little escape, Nialler,” Louis cooed, distracting himself from the way his whole face flushed, pleased.

“Something like that,” Niall hummed in agreement. He shifted in his seat so he could reach out and play with the hairs at the nape of Louis’ neck, pads of his fingers lazily tracing designs on Louis’ skin, and Louis wondered if he’d ever get used to the feel of it. If his heart would stop trying to leap out of his chest when Niall touched him so casually.

It didn’t, before. They had both always touched each other easily like this; Louis hooking his arm around Niall’s waist, Niall’s hand on Louis’ low back. Curled into each other on couches. It was something the five -- four -- of them all did when they were around each other.

It hadn’t ever made his lungs stall up and stop working, before. Or, made his stomach flutter like there was a cage of butterflies inside it. Now, it was all that and more. All that and sweaty palms, losing his train of thought, staring at the soft slope of Niall’s nose while thinking about all the ways he wanted to kiss it.

It was all that and hope blooming under his ribs like forget-me-nots, clamoring for attention. It was probably Harry’s fault that Louis knew forget-me-nots meant something like love, faithfulness.

 _Memories_ , his mind supplied, as he looked at Niall again, face lit up by the soft glow of his phone this time. Thinking about how they got from two boys on the X Factor -- Niall with his blonde hair, pigeon chest, and crooked smile -- to here. From strangers to bandmates to best friends to whatever this was, something cosmic that Louis’ could barely articulate. A ridiculous slow burn that Louis never saw coming, but felt like he should have expected all along.

They spent the rest of the drive singing along to the radio, sneaking glances at each other, bursting into giggles every time they caught each other’s eye. It was easy, like it always was.

And it was automatic to stop the car in front of Niall’s door and help Niall gather his bags. Louis was sure he’d gotten some of Niall’s things in his own case and vice versa, but that was nothing new. It was a comfort, even, that Louis might unpack Niall’s joggers or a shirt; something that smelled like him to remind Louis of the past few days.

Comforting that Niall might do the same, might climb into bed wearing Louis’ shirt.

Niall grabbed his guitar and goodie bag of souvenirs, so Louis grabbed the duffel. Half a week of Niall’s life packed away -- some of Louis’ in there as well.

The house smelled fresh when they got in, like someone came by and aired it out. It was dark, living room curtains shut against the city lights. Louis stayed still until Niall wandered over to the hallway and flicked the light on.

He stood there for a minute, watching Louis. Louis waited.

“Come on, then,” Niall said, jerking his head towards the bedroom, and Louis pretended like his heart didn't jump to his throat. Niall looked at him expectantly before he smirked. “Don’t make me dare ya to stay, Tommo.”

Louis blinked at him, nose scrunching in distaste. The tension cramping his stomach untangled itself as he started to smile.

“If I'm staying, it's because I want to,” he said, picking up the duffle and stepping closer to Niall. Niall was still looking at him like they had a private joke between them.

Louis wondered if maybe they did. This whole thing was exactly that. Something just for them, that only they understood.

“Do’ya want to?” Niall asked. He was leaning his shoulder against the wall, shorter than Louis for once, head tilted up expectantly. Louis pressed a short, sweet kiss to his lips before nodding.

“Probably.”

Definitely.

 

 

****

They were nearly to Santa Monica when Niall tapped his thumbs on the steering wheel and asked Louis, “would you ever come out?”

Louis blinked at him.

“In general, or like, with you?” he asked, pulling his sleeves over his hands, curling up on himself a bit, trying to ignore the way his veins fluttered. Niall was still looking at the road. He shrugged.

“I guess both,” he said, before shaking his head. “In general. If ever.”

“I'm not sure,” Louis answered honestly, voice going low. He felt ashamed to say it, like he should know already. Like he should have decided before he kissed Niall in the first place. That was the last thing on his mind, though. All he had wanted to do was snog Niall.

“It's not… It doesn't change things,” Niall said, frowning. He reached over to squeeze the back of Louis’ neck, thumb sweeping his pulse point. Louis leaned into it, shifting his weight towards the center console.

“I'd hope not,” Louis said, forcing out a laugh and tipping his head back against the seat. Niall’s hand went back to the steering wheel.

The conversation felt more tense than it should. Niall didn’t seem overly concerned or expectant, merely curious. But it was a loaded question, wasn’t it? Louis’ stomach was all tangled up. Fear, excitement. All those anxious emotions he tried so hard to ignore. He didn’t know what Niall wanted to accomplish with this conversation, didn’t know what the right thing to say was.

“I don't mean, like, an announcement or anything.” Niall looked at him, smiled. “Not a magazine cover or interview, just like, being out.”

“So like, if anyone caught on?”

“Yeah, or like, being papped together, going to events.”

“Like we do now?” Louis asked, with a small grin. They hadn’t been anywhere formal in a while, but they were together enough, talked about each other enough.

Who’d heard Just Hold On first? Niall. Who’ve you seen the most this break? Niall. Who sent you stupid YouTube videos at 2am in the morning? Not that anyone asked _that_ , but the answer was Niall.

“Maybe with some hand holding, too.”

“Kissing?” Louis asked, curiously.

“Uhm,” Niall looked over at him, shrugged. “If you'd like.”

“Would _you_ like?” That felt like the more important question. Louis didn't know what he was doing with any of this. He was following Niall's lead, for the most part. Or he would, follow Niall, that is. Whatever Niall wanted to do, Louis was sure he’d do it.

“I was thinkin’ about it,” Niall said. “Have been, like, before. It’s not like I let everyone in my business, but we all get questions. Thinkin’ about being all --” Niall bounced his shoulders all exaggerated, accent going thick and dramatic, “-- ‘ _eh, me boyfriend_ ’ at some point. Casual, y’know?”

“Yeah,” Louis said, messing with the pull string of his joggers. He thought about when he’d gone out with Eleanor or Danielle… Holding hands and touching them, getting the door for them. Thought about trying to keep himself from touching Niall’s waist or tangling their fingers, and ached so badly he had to tap Niall on the wrist.

Niall looked at him and Louis just flipped his palm over expectantly. The smile on Niall’s face when he laced their fingers together was radiant.

“Such a lovely lad,” Louis mumbled, squeezing Niall’s hand. He hoped he wasn’t imagining the flush on Niall’s cheeks; it was always so satisfying to make him blush. “Anyway, yes.”

“Yes?” Niall asked, raising his eyebrows at Louis.

“I would… definitely consider it,” Louis admitted. “I’m not… Dunno when, but I’m not opposed. I like me privacy, too, but…”

“But?”

“Never bothered hiding who I was dating before, did I?” Louis said. “We’d probably have to have loads of meetings about it, but, yes.”

“Alright,” Niall said. He sounded giddy. Louis loved him so much.

“Alright.”

They let the radio fill the silence, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. It’d been so long since he felt like this; the comfort of Niall and the dying afternoon sunshine and the road slipping past them. Not the same as before, but it made him nostalgic all the same.

This trip made it feel like he and Niall were getting back to something. Back to where they had been before they got out of each other’s space, before their lives paused in their revolutions around each other.

That's what hiatus felt like, Louis realized, probably a bit belatedly. Especially with his mum... Like it was just a pause. The whole world went on, but Louis stopped for a bit and only started up again recently. He wondered if that was grief or something else, something less tangible.

He looked at Niall and thought Niall probably didn't ever stop. Maybe that's why he felt the distance between them before, even though they'd seen each other the most. Niall had kept going, now Louis was catching up.

It felt nice.

Louis didn’t say anything when Niall pulled off the highway and drove them towards the coast. He probably didn’t have a clue where they were, but Louis wasn’t bothered. Eventually, they found a car park and a secluded boardwalk a few miles from from the main pier.

“Sunset,” Niall said, as they hopped out of the Range Rover. “Ocean. Burgers.”

“Sounds ace,” Louis said, digging his hoodie out of the backseat. He tugged it on and pulled up the hood, tucking his hands into the pouch.

“You’re gunna be hot,” Niall said, watching him. He had his sunglasses on, and one of them dad caps he had that said Modest! Golf on it.

“You’re a donut,” Louis told him affectionately, not dignifying the comment with a response. Layers were removable. Besides, he wanted to hide a bit, liked having somewhere to put his hands while they ordered burgers from the little shack by the sidewalk.

They walked towards the beach with a burger, basket of fries, and drink each, stepping carefully over the trail to a rickety looking picnic table overlooking the ocean. The sun was setting; bright orange and yellow and red and pink, clear sky to the horizon. The waves were gentle, but there was enough of a breeze to make Louis feel validated in his layers.

They ate in silence, Eagles playing off Niall’s phone set on the table between them. The whole world got more rosy as the sun sank deeper into the water. Louis put down his food and pulled out his phone to take a few pictures.

“Put that down,” he ordered Niall. Niall took another bite before he did, raising his eyebrows at Louis. Louis pointed his camera at Niall, capturing Niall’s deeply unimpressed face. “C’mon, smile.”

Niall rolled his eyes, but he took off his hat and ruffled his hair, looking more presentable, laughing when Louis shoved the phone in his face. The dimple in his left cheek was showing. Louis reached over and poked him there, taking a picture of that too. Louis loved that dimple.

“Stop that,” Niall said, batting at his hand. He snatched up his phone and took a picture of Louis.

“Wait, let’s do that,” Louis said, grabbing Niall’s hand. “I’ll take a picture of you and you take a picture of me.”

“Original and innovative, that idea,” Niall teased, but he pointed his camera at Louis anyway.

It was perfect. Sunset throwing all the shadows in deep contrast, Niall’s pale skin lit up with a peachy glow. His hair was fluffed up from the breeze, eyes still hidden behind his glasses. It was probably for the best; he probably had that soppy look on his face again.

“Post it,” Louis said, sliding closer to see. “Oh, that’s embarrassing.” In the photo on Niall’s screen, Louis was watching over the edge of his phone as he took the picture. There was a ridiculously fond look on his face, staring at Niall. It was excruciating to see.

“Too late,” Niall said, pulling up his Twitter and captioned it: _Hello stranger !_

Louis grinned and uploaded his, too: _Hello sunshine..._

 

 

****

Rest stops were freaky at night. One of them liminal spaces. Louis refused to look up from his phone just in case there were menacing spirits about. He wouldn’t even wee at a rest stop. The only reason they were there was for Niall, so he was having a smoke while he waited, scrolling through his twitter.

There was a post from one of the update sites, looked like a video pulled off Niall’s Snapchat. Louis couldn’t ever get the hang of Snapchat -- or didn’t want to, really -- but not for the first time, he had the thought that he should reinstall it. If only to see what Niall posted every day. Maybe Niall would send him selfies in bed, before the shower.

The thought made Louis grin as he hit play on the video, turning the volume up. Niall brushing his teeth at the hotel, phone pointed at the mirror, clothes hiding the love bites Louis left all over his body. Louis could see the shadow of one peeking above his shirt collar when he moved, but he doubted anyone else would catch it.

On the counter, there was Louis’ toothbrush and two razors, a hand towel -- they managed to make such a mess in two days. It made Louis go warm, seeing the way they were so effortlessly entwined.

He was so focused on that, he almost missed the camera move as Niall shuffled over, closer to the bathroom door. Louis could hear running water now -- Niall must have taken it when Louis was showering.

In the video, Niall grinned slowly as it picked up the sound of Louis’ voice -- rough, loud, very distinctive -- singing Shape of You. The video ended like that, Niall mouthing along with the lyrics, grinning.

Louis replayed the last three seconds a few times, watching Niall’s face. It was so… fond. Soft around his eyes, mouth curled up the tiniest amount. Louis’ heart leapt in his chest, nearly fucking painful, little laugh escaping him. Holy shit.

“What’s the craic?” Niall asked, pushing at Louis’ shoulder. Louis grinned and grabbed him, spinning them so Niall landed against the side of the Range Rover. His eyes went wide for a second before he laughed.

Louis snogged him. Out there in the empty car park, in front of the rest stop spirits.

“Louis?” Niall asked, when Louis drew away, lips still puckered comically.

“You’re something else,” Louis announced. “I dare you to have sex with me in the back of this car.”

“It’s an SUV, Lou,” Niall said, rolling his eyes, but he didn’t struggle when Louis grabbed him by the front of his shirt and hustled him into the backseat. He went easily, even -- eyes still wide, cheeks flushed, back against the far door, legs automatically dropping open. “Someone’s gunna see us.”

“There’s no one here,” Louis said, pulling the door shut behind him. It was dark, nearly too dark to see. The only light coming in was the soft yellow glow of the outside lamps. It was alright, he didn’t need much light for this. He fit himself in between Niall’s legs, gripping at his thighs. “I mean, if you don’t want to…”

“I didn’t say that,” Niall said, grumpy look on his face. He reached up and got his hand around the back of Louis’ head, tugged him down so they could kiss.

It always started hard, them snogging, like they couldn’t wait to get their mouths on each other. There was nothing tentative about the way Niall kissed, nothing self-conscious. It left Louis gasping, wanting more. He felt like such a cliche sometimes, how much he wanted Niall to kiss him, touch him. How much of Niall he wanted since he realized that he _wanted Niall_.

“Fuck, let’s --” Niall pushed up, still biting at Louis’ lips, arranging himself into an upright position. He tugged at Louis’ leg until Louis swung it over and straddled him, hands going to Louis’ ass immediately, hauling him in and humping up so Louis could feel how hard he already was --

“ _Fuck_ ,” Louis agreed, both hands gripping the seat back on either side of Niall’s head, palms feeling sweaty against the leather.

“Car sex, brilliant idea,” Niall said, pulling back enough to nose at Louis’ chin. Louis obliged, tilted his head so Niall could dig his teeth into Louis’ sensitive neck as his hand slipped under the waistband of Louis’ joggers and palmed his arse.

“You seem to be enjoying it,” Louis said, rolling his hips pointedly. Niall groaned, fingers digging into Louis’ arse, tugging him closer so their chests pressed together.

It was already too hot, so close, giving each other no space to breathe. Louis could feel his hair starting to stick to his forehead, sweat cooling on his lower back from where Niall pushed up Louis’ shirt before his hands went down the back of Louis’ trousers.

“I _always_ enjoy you on top of me,” Niall said, voice low and stupidly sincere, eyes half closed like he was drunk off their kisses.

“I’d like to hope so,” Louis said primly, so he wouldn’t say anything else, anything too heavy for the moment they were having. The, quite frankly, very _teenager_ moment they were having. Car sex, and all.

“How d’ya -- d’ya wanna --”

“Just like this,” Louis said, grinding against Niall again, lifting up on his knees before he rocked down again.

“I’m not coming like this,” Niall said, even as he kept up with the way their hips were moving together. “I’m not nutting in a pair of me jeans havin’ sex in the backseat.”

“Dare ya,” Louis said, huffing around a grin.

“Shut _up_ ,” Niall groaned and dropped his head back, planting his feet and meeting Louis’ hips more deliberately this time. Louis grinned and kissed him again, bit his bottom lip sharply before soothing it over with his tongue.

Niall’s eyelashes fluttered as he moaned, high and needy. Louis couldn’t keep himself from pushing his hands through Niall’s hair, tugging sharply. Niall let out another noise; deeper, more growly.

“Fuck,” he said. “I can’t come like this.”

“Can’t, or _won’t_?” Louis asked. He probably could, if he was being honest. The friction was nearly painful, but not enough to keep him from coming. Made it better, maybe, feeling pinned against Niall like that, like he couldn’t go anywhere until he came.

“Goddamn it, Tommo,” Niall said, before renewing his efforts, thrusting up harshly. Louis’ victory shout was muffled by Niall’s mouth on his, tongue licking past Louis’ lips. His hands gripped Louis tighter, hips moving in tight little circles.

And Louis was definitely getting off on this. The feeling of Niall holding him in place so they could get the friction right. The rough zip of Niall’s jeans through Louis’ bottoms, pressing against Louis’ cock, giving him something to grind against.

It didn’t take long for Louis’ gut to go tight. He rolled his hips quicker, short little strokes that had his breath stuttering the closer he got to coming.

“Yeah, like that,” Niall said, and Louis’d think it was impossible that Niall already knew when Louis was about to come, but it was Niall -- he knew exactly how to touch Louis to get him off, dick dragging under Louis’, one hand dragging lower until he was spreading Louis open, finger pressing Louis’ hole, teasing, and -- Louis’ cock jerked in his pants and he came -- eyes screwing shut, heart pounding.

Niall was still moving, humping against his softening cock. Louis whined and grabbed his hips, making him stop.

“Too much,” Louis said, panting.

“Came in your pants,” Niall said, sounding smug.

“Fuck yeah, I did,” Louis agreed, before shoving Niall towards the door and scooting down so his knees hit the floor of the backseat.

He tugged Niall’s jeans down without finesse and pulled his cock out. Niall was so wet for him, glistening. Niall groaned when Louis dragged the foreskin down, a bead of precome escaping the slit. Louis leaned forward and licked at it. “Guess you won’t get the chance to.”

“Alright by me,” Niall whimpered as Louis got his mouth around his cock, hand automatically cradling Louis’ face. Louis’ eyes fluttered shut and he slid down, down.

Louis didn’t realize it until after -- after Niall came, after he hauled Louis up to snog him properly. After Louis caught his breath, head tilted back while Niall pressed his lips to Louis’ throat. It wasn’t until after he dug a new pair of joggers out of his bag and decided to brave the rest stop for a wee.

It wasn’t until he had his back turned and he was a dozen feet away that he had the thought. The epiphany of it made him laugh, sharp and boisterous like the first cracks of thunder before a storm. When he turned around, Niall was already looking at him. Of course he was.

“Neil!” Louis shouted, loud as he could. It didn’t matter; the car park was empty except for two semis parked at the way far end. It wouldn’t matter, even if the car park was full. “I’m in love with you!”

The smile on Niall’s face made him glow. “I’m in love with you tooooo!” He threw his head back and drew out the ‘o’ until it was a howl.

Louis cackled before he found his voice and howled with Niall, feeling fucking cosmic.

 

 

****

Harry called when Niall was in the shower.

“What am I doing at an anonymous hotel with you?” he asked very seriously. It sounded like he was smiling, regardless.

“What _are_ you doing at an anonymous hotel with me?” Louis asked, looking around the room like he might see Harry, even though he knew Harry was still in LA.

“The fan photo,” Harry said airly. “Bloke doesn’t know One Direction from Big Time Rush, but on Twitter he’s talking about how you were swimming in your pants with a dark-haired lad. My Twitter mentions are blowing up.”

Louis winced, shoving a hand through his hair. In the bathroom, he could hear Niall mumbling out a song, some melody Louis had heard him pick out on guitar. Something for his album. It was soft, floating. Louis liked it.

“Any brunette I’m seen with is automatically Harry Styles,” Louis said.

“Have you seen the photo?” Harry asked, and something about his tone -- too light and casual to be anything less than deliberate -- made Louis’ stomach flip.

“Can’t say I have,” he replied, digging his toes into the carpet. Niall’s pants were next to his foot. Louis grinned at them a little stupidly.

“Massive love bite on your chest,” Harry said, humming a bit.

Louis’ brain went white… Not quite panic, but something close to it, something that made his heart kick up.

“Is there?” Louis asked, doing his best to sound nonchalant. Harry hummed again, an affirmation, before he went silent. Louis didn’t know what to say.

It’s not that he was afraid of confronting what was going on between them. He wasn’t trapped in some bubble of denial. He knew that the second he asked to kiss Niall, he was making a decision. A real one. Whatever was happening between them now would carry over when they get back to LA.

Or, Louis hoped it would.

He hummed back at Harry. He would talk to Niall about it.

Harry was quiet for a couple more beats before he sighed, low and concern. “Just be careful, yeah?”

“I wouldn’t… not be careful,” Louis said, wincing. The palm of his hand felt slick where he was gripping the phone. It was stupid to be this unsure about things, this nervous. But he was.

“I mean, both ways, yeah,” Harry said, making another noise in his throat.

“Awful tick that,” Louis drawled, letting annoyance creep into his tone.

“I _mean_ ,” Harry said, a little louder. Louis could imagine the irritated scrunch of his nose, the twist of his mouth. Louis smiled. “Don’t hurt him, but don’t let him hurt you. Expectations and all that.”

“Look, I didn’t…” Louis paused, strained to hear Niall again. He stopped singing, but the shower was going still. “I didn’t lecture either of you when you were doing whatever it was you were doing during AM promo. You don’t have to --”

“It’s different,” Harry said, quickly like fingers snapping, cutting Louis off. “I’m not trying to be an arse, but if any of us… If it’s anything for any of us, it’s a thing for you two.”

“You talk a lot of shite, Harold,” Louis snapped. If Harry was good at anything, it was saying what Louis didn’t want to hear at that moment. Not that… he wasn’t denying he had feelings for Niall, but it was too new, too raw. Having to acknowledge it to anyone other than Niall still felt… invasive, maybe. Louis didn’t know.

“If anyone can make our Nialler settle down, it’s you,” Harry said, not even acknowledging Louis. “He cares about you a lot.”

 _He cares about everyone a lot_ , Louis wants to say. It was easy for Niall to care for the people around him. It didn't cost him anything to do it.

Louis didn't, though. Harry might get it, but he might not, and Louis didn’t want to explain himself. Too invasive.

“I care about him a lot, too,” Louis finally said. It was true. More than.

“Good,” Harry said, sounding satisfied. What a massive weirdo. “I’ll catch you later, alright?”

“That’s it?” Louis asked, snorting. Not that he wanted to get lectured about Niall, or hear what the fans assume he and Harry were doing while they were hundreds of miles from each other. He expected more, is all. On the line, Harry chuckled slowly.

“Yeah, that’s it,” he said, and then hung up right as the bathroom door opened.

“Who was that?” Niall asked, toweling off his hair. He was naked; beauty marked pale skin, scrawny limbs. Cheeks and chest flushed with pink. Soft, touchable. Louis sighed.

“Harold,” Louis said, tossing his phone on the bedside table. “Fans think we’re together.”

Niall raised his eyebrows, pushing the towel off his face. “Why would they think that?”

“The fan picture. Bloke blabbed about me being with a brunette lad.”

“Ah, couldn’t possibly be anyone but Harry, then,” Niall said, finally smiling. “At this rate, no one will ever believe we're serious.”

Louis swallowed, throat feeling dry. Right, that. There must have been a look on his face, because Niall’s grin widened as he walked over, tossing the towel towards the corner.

“That’s what this is, right.” It wasn’t a question. It sounded like the most sure Niall’d been of anything. Naked and perfectly confident.

Stupid, brave, lovely boy.

“‘Course,” Louis laughed, chest feeling tight in a good way -- a great way, even. He tilted his head up so Niall could kiss him, and Niall did, hands sliding around Louis’ neck, straddling him. He let Louis tug him back until they were lying down, still kissing.

Kissing and kissing and kissing until Louis said, “Be a love and sit on my face?”

 

 

****

_This_ felt nostalgic. Late enough at night to be early in the morning, quietly circling the pool to find a good place to hop over. Unfortunately, the perimeter was decorated with bushes and whatnot, so they had to use the gate. Without… using the gate.

“Need a boost?” Louis asked, keeping his voice low. Being stealthy was part of the appeal.

“Nah, go on,” Niall said, standing back and letting Louis up to the fence first.

It was taller than he was, and it had been a while since he’d done this, but he managed to get himself up and over without hurting anything. Niall came after him, a little more wobbly. He paused at the top, straddling the metal in a way that couldn’t have been pleasant on his bits.

“Catch me, yeah?”

He didn’t even wait for Louis to agree, just dropped in Louis’ direction. Louis mostly caught him, bearing his weight so his knee didn’t hit the ground hard. They were tangled up, Niall’s arms around his neck, his arms around Niall’s waist.

“Proper romantic,” Louis said, biting Niall’s cheek hard enough to make him yelp.

“ _That_ wasn’t,” Niall grumbled, butting his head against Louis’. It probably wouldn’t do much to point out that Niall smacking his skull into Louis’ wasn’t _either_ , so Louis didn’t mention it, just untangled himself so he could tug his shirt off.

“Going starkers?” he asked Niall, hooking his thumbs into his waistband and tugging them down a bit. Niall’s eyes followed the movement curiously before he laughed.

“Not even if ya dared me, Tommo,” Niall said. “I’m already here, aren’t I?”

“You are,” Louis said. Hopefully he didn’t have to tell Niall how pleased he was that Niall agreed to come. It felt like it had been ages since they got into any mischief. It meant a lot to Louis that Niall would get up after a particularly enthusiastic round of sex and agree to sneak into the pool.

That was truly romantic.

“Get that soppy look off your face,” Niall complained, but he didn’t look bothered. Louis let out an honest-to-god giggle before he got his hand out of his bottoms to flip Niall off, pushing down his joggers and leaving his pants on.

“Shut up and strip,” he ordered before taking a running jump into the pool.

For some reason, he expected it to be heated. Who knows why. Maybe because they were at a hotel, or something. It definitely wasn’t heated. The minute his body registered the cold, his lungs froze up. He broke the surface gasping.

“What the fuck, holy _shit_ ,” he wheezed, goosebumps on his skin tight and painful. There was a breeze, of course there was.

California might have been warmer than most places in February, but it was still cold, and now Louis was doubly cold. Louis clenched his jaw and watched Niall let himself over the edge slowly, looking dubious.

“It’s lovely,” Louis lied, paddling over to him. His teeth were chattering.

Niall snatched his legs back to the wall. “Don’t pull me in,” he said, kicking water at Louis until Louis backed away, giving him space. “I’ll do it meself, let me do it.”

“‘S better if you jump in,” Louis said, watching Niall make a mad face every time he put more of his leg in the water. The reflected light from the pool made him look pale, glowing like moonlight.

Louis got distracted looking at him. The little things like the shadowy scar on his knee and the soft curve of his stomach, the dark hair on his chest that he was so proud of. The littler things like the moles on his tummy and face, the veins standing out on his forearms.

Water splashed Louis when Niall dropped into the pool, letting out a loud gasp, arms hugging his chest immediately. He hunched in on himself, glaring at Louis.

“This was a terrible idea,” he said, teeth starting to chatter. Louis laughed and sunk down so only his eyes were above water, drifting closer. In his head, the Jaws theme song was going.

“Don’t bite me arse,” Niall warned, very seriously.

Louis circled him a few times, watching Niall watch him, smiling slowly blooming across his face. It wasn’t until Niall was grinning that Louis decided that was enough, and stood in front of Niall, grinning back. Niall’s hands went to his waist, palms unexpectedly warm on his hips. Louis shivered.

“Wouldn’t bite your arse unless you asked me to,” he said, walking Niall backwards until they were closer to the wall. He looked around the outside of the pool before he leaned closer, boxing Niall in, hands on the ledge behind Niall.

“Later, then,” Niall said, with that cheeky tilt of his head. Louis kissed him, since he could. “We’re in public.”

“A very dark public,” Louis said, with a shrug, even as his heart started pounding from the realization.

It felt like a stupid little thrill, kissing Niall like this. 1AM on a weeknight, snuck into the hotel pool to swim in their pants. Under the water, Niall tangled his legs around Louis’.

“True.”

“Besides, I’m cold,” Louis said, nuzzling his nose to Niall’s cheek. He was warm. Louis wondered if he was blushing. “I need to be heated up.”

“Hands above the waist,” Niall said before pressing his lips to Louis’, quick and rough. Louis let Niall lick into his mouth, dig his fingertips into the soft flesh at Louis’ hips, sink his teeth in Louis’ bottom lip.

There was something all consuming about the way Niall kissed. Possessive, maybe. It wasn’t something Louis expected from Niall, but it ended up being something he liked. He liked Niall tugging him in close and holding him tight, like he wouldn’t ever let go.

It should probably have been harder to keep his hands off Niall’s cock, to not grind against him, but they settled into a slow snog, comfortable even, and Louis didn’t want to stop.

It was so easy to just stand there until his legs started to go stiff and kiss until his lips were buzzing. It was so easy to lose himself in the wet slide of their mouths, the little breathy noises Niall made when Louis nipped at his lip.

So easy to get so caught up, he didn’t know anyone was around until he heard the creak of the gate.

They jerked apart quickly, peering around the ramada. There was someone in a hotel uniform looking around, not spotted them yet.

“Shit, let me --” Louis said, moving around Niall so he could hoist himself over the ledge, heart pounding. Not from getting caught in the pool after hours, but from nearly getting caught snogging his bandmate in public.

“Pool’s closed,” the bloke said. American, around Louis’ age. He finally spotted Niall in the pool, and Louis looked behind him to see -- well, nothing really. Didn’t look like Niall had been kissing someone, not from where Louis was stood.

“Sorry, we had a late night,” Louis said, putting on his most charming smile, trying to emulate innocence. The bloke was staring at him a bit hard. “Didn’t think anyone’d be out here to check.”

“Hey, you look like that dude --” Louis was waiting for it, _the guy from the band_ , but instead he heard, “the guy who has the song with Steve Aoki.”

“Oh,” Louis said, warmth spreading through his chest. Not One Direction, Steve. It was a weird feeling, he realized. Weird good, but weird. “Yeah, Louis, uh, Louis Tomlinson. That’s me.”

“Holy shit!” the bloke laughed before going off about how much his girlfriend loved the song and how she got him hooked, and how they went to some show in Arizona to see Steve -- and Louis knew exactly what he was talking about, the show with Blink-182 -- and could he have a picture, his bird would flip.

And Louis agreed, dazed, not knowing what to do with the fact that he was being recognized for something _not_ One Direction. It felt like a strange, out-of-body experience. All he could do was smile and shoot the camera a thumbs up and scribble on the bloke’s Snapchat screen.

“Thanks, man,” he said, once Louis was done adding his smiley. “You can stay for a bit if you wanna. Can’t kick you out now. Just don’t rat me out to my manager.”

“Would never,” Louis said, sounding properly scandalized. The bloke thanked him a few more times, waved at Niall, and was on his way as Louis blinked after him.

It took a minute for him to turn around, but when he did, Niall was beaming at him.

“Look at you,” he said, voice soft and awed. Louis flushed, embarrassed and pleased.

Instead of dignifying Niall with a response, he ran into the pool and jumped on top of him, nearly drowning them both. When they came up for air, Niall shoved him into the wall and kissed him, and just like that, they were back to where they left off.

 

 

****

This felt nostalgic. Niall in his white briefs, cross-legged on a hotel bed with a guitar in his lap. There was a leather notebook open in front of him, a whole page of scribbles in his looping, year six handwriting.

There was a bruise on the curve of his shoulder from Louis’ mouth, angry red marks on his back from Louis nails. The curve of his back begging to be touched -- so Louis touched him, let his fingers wander over the notches of his spine like he was reading the lines of Niall’s body, fit his palms over Niall’s hips, scooted close enough to hook his chin over Niall’s shoulder and watch his hands move, fingers resting on Niall’s stomach, playing with his happy trail absently.

Niall didn’t shove him off. Which was a novelty for Louis. Usually when he draped himself all over the other boys, he got pushed away sooner rather than later. Too much touching, too much clinging. Too much time trying to get a reaction.

It was different now. Now that he knew he had Niall’s unconditional attention. Now that he could touch Niall all over without consequence. It was easier to steady himself, to press his chest to Niall’s back and feel the rhythm of their hearts beating off each other, and be content with that -- not have to poke or prod.

“You’re different like this,” Niall said. Louis pressed his palms over Niall’s chest to feel him talk. Niall laughed, shook them both.

Louis hummed.

“Like, calmer lately,” Niall said. His fingers kept moving, playing chord after chord softly, the disjointed beginnings of a song.

“‘S different out here,” Louis said. Wanted to say, _with you_ , but he didn’t. Didn’t know if he should make that confession yet.

“Yeah, I get that,” Niall said. He tilted his head back and nudged Louis’. Louis nuzzled him back, attached his mouth to the back of Niall’s neck and sucked hard until Niall scream and squirmed away. “Bloody hell, Tommo!”

Louis grinned at him, biting at his bottom lip. Niall watched, eyes glued to his mouth, and very carefully turned to put his guitar down before knee walking over to Louis, straddling his thigh.

“You’re a menace,” he said.

He did this thing when he kissed Louis -- pushed both his hands through Louis’ hair and tugged at the base of Louis’ skull right when he pressed their lips together. It was almost too much, like an immediate overload of all Louis’ senses, got him keyed up, dazed and horny. Made him easy for Niall -- Niall’s hands, his mouth. Whatever Niall wanted as long as he kept kissing Louis like that.

“Your menace,” Louis said.

“Yeah mine,” Niall said, drawing back enough to look Louis in the eye, and Louis knew it meant something, figured Niall was serious about that.

 _Yeah_ , he thought -- kissing Niall so hard their teeth knocked and Niall grabbed at his waist, pulled him in before Louis rolled them over, pressed his hips into Niall’s, bit at his mouth --

 _Yours_.

 

 

****

Louis didn’t think Niall looked cautious too often, but this might be the closest he’d seen in awhile, staring at Louis warily as Louis tugged his sleeves down and curled his hands into fists around the fabric. The back of his throat tasted like beer, but he felt too sober for this conversation.

“You wanna what?” Niall asked, barking out a laugh. Loud, wrong. Louis made a displeased face. Niall got quiet.

“Kiss you,” Louis mumbled, stomach tangling up.

“Since when?” Niall asked, still watching him suspiciously. Louis hated this. He shouldn’t have opened his big arse mouth. It was their _first night_ , and he fucked it up.

“The bar,” Louis said, feeling himself go warm.

He hadn’t thought about it too hard, had he? But, that’s the thing, he didn’t need to. It felt right. When he looked at Niall and thought about kissing him -- touching him, holding him -- it felt like he’d wanted it for so long that he didn’t know what it felt like to not want it.

“What? Tommo, that’s not --” Niall cut himself off with another laugh. His face was properly red, cheeks so ruddy they’d probably be warm if Louis touched them. “You can’t just decide these things.”

“Why not?” Louis asked, laughing. He scrubbed his hand over his face, sleeves still pulled over his hands. Niall was so far away, hovering near the chest of drawers with the telly on top, away from where Louis was sat on the bed. “I don’t think it’s new --”

“You don’t _think_ \-- Christ, Louis.” Niall looked… Louis didn’t know. It was a terrible feeling, not knowing what the look on Niall’s face meant. Mouth tight, eyes wide, arms crossed over his chest. They stared at each other in silence for a few seconds.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything,” Louis said, freeing his hands so he could shove one through his hair. He laughed humorlessly, trying to ignore the way his chest felt like a champagne bottle ready to pop. “I’m talking shit --”

“Don’t,” Niall said, low. His voice sounded sticky, like there was a good cry lodged in his throat. His eyes did look a bit wet. Louis’ heart pounded in his chest. He shut the fuck up. “You can’t… Just say that you want to kiss me and expect to kiss me.”

“I didn’t expect anything,” Louis protested. Niall frowned at him sharply. “That’s why I asked! ‘Nialler, can I kiss you?’ Didn’t go for it or anything, just asked a question.”

Louis still hadn’t gotten an answer to that question, either. He didn’t know what it meant that Niall hadn’t even answered him. God, he was fucking this up.

“You can’t say you don’t mean it, then,” Niall said, tilting his chin up stubbornly. The way he did when he was ready to argue.

Louis wasn’t positive what they were arguing about: Louis wanting to kiss Niall, whether or not he _genuinely_ wanted to kiss Niall, or whether he _meant_ _it_ when he asked Niall for a kiss… He didn’t know.

“I _don’t_ mean it if you don’t want to kiss me back,” Louis said, standing up. There was too much energy pent up in his body. He didn’t like the height disparity. At least standing, they were eye level.

“Well, that’s shit,” Niall snapped, hands balling up into fists. Louis blinked at him. It had been a while since Niall was properly mad at him. “You can’t talk about kissing your best mate and say that shit. You don’t mean it if I don’t want to -- shit, absolute shit.”

He grabbed his wallet off the chest of drawers and shoved it in his back pocket, dropping down on the bed and tugging his boots close. Louis’ stomach dropped.

“Where are you going?” Louis asked, taking two steps forward. Niall’s neck snapped up and he glared at Louis. The muscle in his jaw jumped as he clenched his teeth.

“Out to get some air,” he said. “That alright with you?”

“Well, you don’t need my permission, d’ya?” Louis replied, matching Niall’s tone. He didn’t like it, felt too much like they were fighting. Maybe they were, all because Louis wanted a kiss. He should have kept his mouth shut.

“Just don’t _leave_ ,” Louis continued. He wasn’t trying to keep Niall in, but he didn’t want Niall to go. It’d be easy to call for a car and abandon Louis in a shitty hotel with all his stupid words left hanging in the air around him -- christ, this was getting out of hand. “Please. I’ll shut the fuck up, you can pretend I didn’t say anything. I’m not… I don’t want my feelings to fuck things up.”

Niall stopped messing with his laces. “Yer feelings?”

Louis looked at the ground, cheeks flaming. Fuck. He didn’t want to have this conversation. It would have been easier if Niall had said yes to the kiss, then… Louis didn’t know. He was always better at _showing_ , rather than telling. He thought maybe if he could somehow show Niall, he wouldn’t have to say anything.

But Niall didn’t want to kiss him. Shit, why did he think Niall _would_ want to kiss him?

“Forget it,” Louis said, patting down his pockets for his pack of smokes. He needed something to do with his hands, needed to stop the trembling in his chest. He was a bloody idiot.

“Goddamnit, Tommo,” Niall said, up again, in front of Louis. Louis froze and met Niall’s eyes. “Do y’want to kiss me?”

Louis looked at the very interesting bit of drywall over Niall’s shoulder before he nodded. There was a beat, then he felt Niall’s hand on his wrist. He squeezed twice.

“Do y’... do you like me?” he asked, soft and curious, and that was somehow worse than being yelled at. It sounded so juvenile, like Louis was some year eight with a crush.

“Shit, Niall,” Louis said, laughing. He tried to tug his hand away, but Niall held tight. When Louis met his eyes again, he was staring back, but it wasn’t anything hard or intense, it was almost pleading and Louis didn’t know what that meant.

“Yeah,” he said, after swallowing a couple times trying to find his voice. “Yeah, I fucking like you, shit.”

“Good,” Niall said, exhaling. He moved forward and tugged Louis in at the same time, hand coming up to cup Louis’ jaw as they kissed, lips lining up perfectly. It was a rough, biting kiss. It was perfect. Louis couldn’t breathe.

“What the fuck, Niall --” Louis came out of it gasping, but Niall was already crowding him, hand moving from Louis’ wrist to his waist. They swayed in place.

“God I’ve wanted to do this for so long,” Niall said, kissing Louis again. Louis’ brain couldn’t keep up with the change of pace. Thinking Niall was upset because Louis wanted to kiss him, but… he wasn’t. Not even close.

“How long?” Louis asked. That was the only thing he could think of. How long? Fucking when? He hadn’t realized --

“Since me birthday,” Niall said, pulling back. His lips were wet, cheek pinks. Louis did that. “Realized you were the person I wanted to show me song to first. Thought about it a bit, figured it out.”

“Why didn’t you --”

Niall shook his head and cut him off with a kiss. Stupid question, of course. There were people between them, they were both busy. There wasn’t any time before this exact moment probably.

“Right,” Louis said, into Niall’s mouth. “Sorry.”

“Shut up,” Niall said, and pushed Louis back until his knees hit the edge of the bed. “I didn’t think you wanted…” Niall shook his head, pulling back enough to let Louis up the bed so he was in the middle of it.

“Wanted…?” Louis prompted, propping himself up on his elbows, watching as Niall knelt between his legs.

“Me, like, properly,” Niall said. “Just thought you wanted to shag.”

Louis frowned at him and sat up properly, touching the inside of Niall’s elbow with gentle fingers. Niall watched him carefully.

“I wouldn’t… That’s not what I’d want,” Louis said. Niall huffed and shook his head, smiling.

“Didn’t want it to just be a bit of fun,” Niall said, shrugging. “Not like Liam, or…”

“Harry,” Louis said, with a sharp grin. Niall stuck his tongue out. They already talked about this, all four of them. The one-off with Liam at the Brits, the no strings whatever Niall had with Harry after Zayn left.

He might not have thought this all the way through, but Louis didn’t want this to be like either of those situations. It was different, somehow. Louis couldn’t really say _how_ right at the moment -- too lost in what was happening, the way Niall was so close, the way his mouth was still buzzing -- but it was.

Silence stretched between them. Without realizing it, Louis had started stroking the inside of Niall’s elbow, up and down and up and down. He kept on, since Niall didn’t say anything.

“Would you want…” Louis shoved a hand through his hair, frowning. He hated this part, the talking part, getting it sorted. It made him feel itchy, like his skin was on too tight. Made him feel hot and weird, and he wasn’t used to, like, sitting down and hashing it out. Usually it just happened, but he hadn’t ever done this with one of his best mates before, so what does he know?

“What if it’s not ‘just fun’,” Louis asked, making exaggerated air quotes with his fingers. That got Niall to smile, dimple flashing.

“What is it then?” Niall asked.

“I’m not going to ask you to go steady, Nialler,” Louis snorted. Niall guffawed adorably, nearly toppling over. Louis steadied him with a hand on his arm, since Louis was already touching him and all that.

“Aw, why not, Tommo?” Niall said, bottom lip going pouty. His cheeks were flushed red, eyes bright, and Louis wanted him so badly his veins were buzzing. It’d been awhile since he physically ached when he was around someone he was attracted to, but there he was, sat in front of Niall, absolutely vibrating with the need to touch.

He couldn’t quite get his head around it.

“Fine, Niall Horan, will you go steady with me?” Louis asked, taking both of Niall’s hands in his, widening his eyes dramatically, trying his best to be ridiculous. Niall did that thing where he giggled and pressed his smile into his shoulder, eyelashes fluttering.

“I dunno,” Niall said, barely containing his laugh. “I’ll have to think about it.”

“Maybe I could convince you,” Louis said, tugging Niall in by his wrist. Niall wasn’t expecting it, and fell right on top of Louis with a great big _oof!_ that made Louis laugh, big and wild.

“Hopefully not with bodily harm,” Niall complained as Louis wrestled him onto his back. There was nothing new about this view, Niall underneath him, sweaty and breathless from roughhousing, skinny knees digging into Louis’ sides.

Wanting to kiss him as badly as Louis did, that was new.

“Bodily _something_ ,” Louis muttered, knocking Niall’s legs apart so he could settle between them, still pinning Niall down. Niall wiggled his eyebrows ridiculously, grinding up against Louis. He was half hard already. Feeling Niall against the inside of his thigh made Louis’ head spin.

“Shit, Niall.” Louis leaned over to snog Niall, fitting their hips together so he could rock down against Niall at a good angle, get some proper friction going.

“Okay, shit,” Niall gasped, when Louis moved away from his mouth to bite at the soft line of his jaw, scruff rough under Louis’ tongue. “Steady, going, yeah.”

“Yeah?” Louis asked, pulling back enough to meet Niall’s eyes. Niall rolled them and pinched his side.

“Yeah, now kiss me, arsehole.”

 

 

****

And it was like this: more intense than Louis thought it would be, between Niall’s legs, sucking him off while he fingered Niall open.

Niall was louder than he expected, mouth slack and begging for it. Skin sex flushed, warm and biteable.

He could barely stay still, hips fucking down on Louis’ fingers, hands gripping and grabbing and pulling Louis in in _in_ , heels digging into Louis’ back.

Louis had no idea what the fuck he was doing, so Niall told him. He told Louis actually what to do, how to touch Niall and make him feel good. He talked Louis through it, laughed good-naturedly at the way Louis’ hands were shaking, pushed his fingers through Louis’ hair to gentle him.

He was so beautiful like that, coming apart under Louis’ hands, thighs trembling where they bracketed Louis. Niall liked it a little rough, liked when Louis left bruises on the tender insides of his thighs, when he scratched down Niall’s stomach.

He was so beautiful, moaning when Louis pushed into him, satisfied smile on his face when Louis gasped and face planted into his neck, trying to catch his breath.

“You’re doing so well, love,” he said, stroking over Louis’ nape, hands all over him, reassuring. Louis’ eyes screwed shut tightly so he didn’t have to see the look on Niall’s face, feeling too vulnerable. “So good for me.”

“Brilliant, Louis,” he said, when Louis started to move, rocking his hips forward, trying to find a rhythm that was good for them both. “You feel so good.”

He was so beautiful arching at the small of his back when Louis finally found the right angle. When he rolled them over and sat on Louis’ lap, pulled him close so their chests were brushing, and had them grind together just like that -- clenching at each other’s sweaty backs, kissing and kissing and kissing. When he pushed Louis down and rode him, unselfconsciously, skinny hips moving, thighs flexing, pretty cock bobbing between them; both their hands tugging him off, clumsy and tangled up until Niall was groaning Louis’ name and coming between them.

He was so beautiful.

 

 

****

The first night, they found a little hole-in-the-wall pub -- bar, whatever -- close to the hotel. They were both dressed down, Niall with his stupid newsie cap and Louis with a baseball cap pulled over his eyes. Wasn’t exactly inconspicuous, but considering they had stopped in the middle of nowhere California, Louis wasn’t worried about it.

The bar was dark when they pushed inside, neon beer signs all on the walls, sticky brown floor. Felt homey. Niall laughed brightly when Louis told him that, but he nodded all the same.

It was strange, him and Niall like this, no one else. Usually they’d have people out with them; Louis would have Oli and Calvin, Niall would be with whoever of his endlessly rotating entourage. This time it was just the two of them to fill the silence.

It felt comfortable despite being unfamiliar. Niall was like that, Louis supposed.

“Grab a seat,” Niall said, jerking his head towards the booths by the billiard tables. “I’ll open a tab.”

Louis gave a lazy salute, working his phone out of his pocket as he went, checking all his messages. There was a long-winded update email from Harry that he would get to later. Everything still quiet on the Liam front. For the best, Louis supposed, wouldn’t want to be in the middle of an adventure when Baby Payno came.

Louis dropped into the first empty table he found, answering texts with more emojis than words. He didn’t have the energy for anything besides that, didn’t want to be texting all night when he was chilling with Niall.

Louis watched Niall ordering their drinks, absently wondering what he’d think of Niall if they weren’t already friends. Obviously young, slouched shoulders, button up shirt, that ridiculous cap. Ankles crossed, his skinny legs looked deceptively long, hip popped a bit as he waited there.

Would Louis want to get to know him? Would he overlook Niall the way he overlooked other people?

The light played over Niall’s face, making the edges of him glow. He leaned over the bartop and said something to the bartender, mouth stretching wide as he laughed. Louis swore he could see how bright Niall’s eyes were from across the room, the way they were twinkling.

For some reason, that was when everything changed.

Something warm and obvious lit up in his chest, an epiphany that made his heart seize weakly. His world shifted, but not drastically, nothing cataclysmic. It all shifted into _place_. Unwavering, no room for uncertainty.

Louis wished it was a punch in the gut, something startling, but it wasn’t. It was a settling feeling, like coming home after a long trip or hearing a song for the first time in a long time -- nostalgic, almost.

There was a tingle at the base of Louis’ skull, and he wondered how long this feeling had been dormant for. Why was he just now recognizing the way his chest was throbbing dully, wanting -- fingertips aching to touch. He wondered if it had been dormant at all, or if he had just gotten used to it. Didn’t see it until he looked at it straight on like this.

Niall came back with their pints, setting them on the table. Louis took in the fan of his dark lashes against his cheeks, the ridiculous point of his leprechaun ears, and felt his heart tremble. His hand twitched on the table. He wanted to touch Niall, so he did -- reached out and poked him in the left cheek, right where his dimple might appear.

Niall grinned and swatted at him, raising an unimpressed eyebrow.

“What’s the look on your face for, Tommo?” he asked, frowning. Louis didn’t know what his face could possibly be doing to warrant a comment, so he shrugged.

“I’ll tell you back at the room,” he said. And he would. Louis was bad at holding onto to those type of things. He couldn’t be the one responsible for them all. It might not be the best idea, but he thought Niall would understand.

If anything, Niall was understanding.

“Whatever y’ say,” Niall said, smirking around a gulp of his Guinness.

“Nasty shit, that,” Louis said, gesturing to Niall’s drink with his own, considerably lighter beer. Niall’s smile sharpened into a grin, and Louis’s stomach flip-flopped.

“You don’t get an opinion with that piss water y’drink,” Niall said, mouth twisting in an over exaggerated grimace.

“Okay, lad, whatever you say,” Louis said. Their glassed clinked loudly when they toasted. Louis watched Niall drink, tongue darting out to catch the foam on his top lip. Louis looked at the table, feeling his mouth go tight, unfamiliar warmth slinking down his spine.

He’d say it was going to be a long night, but Niall didn’t let them keep still, dragged Louis to the dartboard -- beat Louis by pinching his sides every time he went to throw. He did it so much, Louis had to tickle him to get him to stop, feeling thrilled when Niall curled up in a little ball and laughed helplessly.

They gave up after one of Niall’s darts went sideways and skittered over an empty table, spinning like a bottle. The pointed end landed on Louis and he puckered his lips, sending Niall an air kiss. Niall winked at him, and Louis swore his knees went to jelly.

“You gentlemen need anything?” a server asked, once their first beers were low enough to warrant another. She was pretty, high cheekbones and almond shaped eyes and straight black hair, a small waist and a nice smile.

“Perfect timing,” Niall said. Louis let him order another round, watching his body language go flirty. The server left with a shake in her hips. One that Niall appreciated when her back was turned, eyes on her bottom.

“Lookin’ to pull, Nialler?” Louis asked, good-naturedly, draining his glass. He really hoped the answer was no. Niall didn’t disappointed him, he shook his head, eyes back on Louis.

“Not out with ya,” he said, with a grin. “Getting in my Tommo time, aren’t I?”

Louis smiled back at him, feeling flushed and pleased. “Yeah, you are. Me n’ you.”

Niall looked at Louis curiously for a moment, face unreadable, before he nodded and took another gulp of his beer.

“Up for some blackball?” he asked, jerking his thumb towards the billiard table. Louis grinned.

“Prepare to get your arse kicked.”

 

 

****

It was half six when Louis pulled up to Niall’s driveway and laid on his horn. Niall pulled the door open immediately, glaring at Louis sleepily. He looked adorable, hair fluffy, tired eyes heavy. It looked like Louis had picked out his outfit -- big pullover and a pair of soft joggers with sneakers. They matched.

“Hullo sleeping beauty,” Louis said, when Niall opened the door to the back and slid his guitar between the seats on the floor. “Is a guitar packin’ light, then?”

“You know I don’t go anywhere without it, Tommo,” Niall mumbled, renewing his glare at Louis. He looked like an angry kitten.

“You don’t,” Louis agreed. He tapped a loud beat on the steering wheel impatiently. “Come on, then, Neil! Burning daylight!”

“Hush you,” Niall said, tossing his rucksack and bag over the seat into the boot before joining Louis in the front. The passenger door was barely shut before Louis took off, reversing out of Niall’s driveway.

“Rental?” Niall asked, pulling his feet up under him and his hood up. Louis nodded. “S’nice.”

“Got you tea,” Louis said, picking up the Starbucks cup from the passenger cup holder and holding it up to Niall’s face. A peace offering. Niall smiled slowly and unfurled enough to take it from Louis, winking at him.

“You’re my favorite,” he said. He held the cup with both hands, eyes shut. Louis felt stupidly fond.

“You’re _my_ favorite,” Louis said, truthfully, pulling out of the driveway.

It wasn’t every week that Louis decided he needed to take a road trip up the Pacific Coast Highway, but apparently when he did, Niall was the reliable one. He’d included all the boys on the email chain, but Harry was busy and Liam was nervously anticipating Baby Payno’s arrival.

Naturally, it was Niall who jumped at the opportunity. Lots of exclamation points were used.

It was nice to have time like this with Niall, though. They always _did_ things together -- concerts and parties and whatnot. This was their chance to chat shit and hang out without noise, or other people, or interruptions.

Louis was excited to fuck off and get away. It felt like everything had sped up again. Not quite One Direction busy, not even close, but busy enough that he realized he was burning through any remaining holiday he might have.

All he wanted was some time to himself. Well, and Niall. No security, no one else. Put everything on hold for three days. They were going to drive until they wanted to turn back, then they were going to come home.

“Don’t mention it,” Niall said, smiling at Louis in that soft way of his. “I’m excited to get away for a bit.”

“Too much golfin’?” Louis asked, teasing.

“Hey! I’ve been pulling 10, 12-hour studio days, mate,” Niall said, sniffling indignantly. The grumpy look was back. Louis wanted to pinch his cheeks. “That’s draining.”

“I’m messin’,” Louis said, rolling his eyes. “I’m doing the same, aren’t I?”

“Mad, innit?” Niall asked, fingers tapping and picking at the lid of his cup. His face went soft and thoughtful. “Not used to doing this without you lot. I mean, writing sure, but usually back in the studio…”

“All together,” Louis agreed. “Yeah, it’s weird. I like it alright, but it’s weird..”

“Yeah, it’s definitely fun,” Niall said, grinning and stretching out a bit, like he’s finding his energy -- like a flower blooming in the morning light. “I like not having me decisions vetoed.”

“I like not having to argue with Payno about lines,” Louis agreed. “Or like, how fuckin’ high we should go.”

Niall cackled. “Not even Harry can reach some of them notes.”

“You could get there with some of them,” Louis reminded him. Niall went quiet, bashful like he always did when people praised his voice. All he did was shrug and smile. Louis pinched his side.

“Oi!” Niall said, swatting at him. He still looked sleepy, but he was moving quicker now. Definitely blooming, then. “Miss writing with Payno?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Louis said, waving it off. He was missing Liam full stop. That’s it.

Things had been a bit weird since break, since… well, since the Brits, but he’d expected that, hadn’t he? But there wasn’t time to get back into a rhythm after all that, no time to get back to normal; Liam with Cheryl and Louis in LA, then mom... and Liam in the studio, and all of that. Now they were both busy, everyone was busy.

“I am capable of writing on me own,” Louis said.

“I know you are,” Niall said, flicking Louis’ ear. “Doesn’t mean it’s not lonely.”

“It is,” Louis agrees. Sometimes what he needed was someone to argue with over parts of a song, or be able to move on to someone else’s song for a break. There wasn’t much of that working on a solo album.

“I’m working with Julian a bit, so that’s familiar.” Niall hummed something under his breath. Louis hoped it was a new song, straining to listen. “But, I get that.”

“Miss you lads,” Louis said. That was all there was to it, really. Writing, studio time, performing. It was strange disconnecting from the rush of five years constantly working with and living his life with three, four other boys. The past year or so felt like a culture shock, getting to the real world when he’d never experienced it before.

Well, as real as the world could get for any of them these days.

“It’s too early for this soppy shite,” Niall complained, flashing Louis a grin before he got his phone up, probably to take a picture.

“Don’t post it,” Louis said, leaning over to see.

“I’m emailing it to the boys,” Niall said, and graciously tipped the screen to show Louis before gesturing to the road, like Louis needed to be reminded to pay attention or something. Honestly. “Tellin’ them you miss ‘em.”

“Do that,” Louis said, rolling his eyes.

They went on like that, winding through pleasantries. When they caught up, Louis always ended up hearing about more people than he really cared for. All of Niall’s friends and associates and his cousin’s aunt who was married to his mum’s dry cleaner.

If he wanted to, Niall could probably spout off facts and stories and gossip all day like the town rumor mill, but he started asking Louis about work and Freddie, and they settled into an easy rhythm like that, back and forth. Easy, like it always was.

Road trips didn’t ever feel like road trips until you escaped all the tall city buildings, Louis thought. Or any kind of road travel, really. All his experience was wrapped up in tour buses, and he never drove like this. Wasn’t ever the one in the front seat, controlling everything.

It was weird; Louis didn’t know if he understood the appeal of it, but he liked watching the landscape unfold around them, especially once they made it out of LA. The sky changed the closer they got towards the ocean. From smoggy grey to blue, back to grey as it kissed the horizon.

Louis made Niall drive after a few hours, legs cramping up. All he wanted to do was recline in the passenger seat for awhile. They traded off at some tiny gas station with a bathroom on the outside of the building, cramped and smelly. They had to get the key from the clerk. The tiny keyring was attached to a ruler. They couldn’t stop laughing about it, leaning onto each other while they giggled.

Niall drove until the sun went down, and Louis watched his face in profile, the way the sky’s fading light made him glow pink. Louis took a picture to email to the lads.

Briana called as he finished up the message, a facetime request. Niall turned down the radio as Louis picked up, and Louis shot him a grateful smile.

“Hey,” he said, trying to angle the phone so she wasn’t staring up his nose. She wasn’t paying attention to Louis anyway, too busy hustling Freddie into her lap. Freddie was all bathed, Louis could tell, in his pajamas already. “Alright, Bria?”

She finally looked up, shooting him a tired smile. It was like that sometimes. Made him feel guilty for being off when she had Freddie all day. But that’s how it was, wasn’t it? Part time parenting.

“Hey Lewis,” she said, picking up Freddie’s chubby hand and waving it at Louis. Freddie made a noise that could have been a word or just a jumble of consonants. Louis felt warm all over just the same. “Are you in a car?”

“Road trippin’,” Louis said, shrugging. He pointed the phone at Niall. “Neil’s here.”

“Oh yeah, you told me, duh,” Briana said, half distracted by Freddie shoving a ball in her hand, pushing at it until she rolled it away. He disappeared from the frame, fetching it. “We’re reading _Where the Wild Things Are_ tonight.”

“Good, my favorite,” Louis said, grinning. He looked up to ask Niall if he was alright with that, hearing the book read, but he caught Niall already watching him thoughtful. Louis raised an eyebrow and Niall shrugged, eyes back on the road.

“What’s that, then?” Louis asked, once Briana took off after Freddie and the ball. “What’s the look for?”

“Do this often?” Niall asked. There wasn’t a tease in his voice, merely curiosity.

“As much as I can get away with,” Louis said, shrugging. His face went warm for no reason. “It’s nice to see him before bed, like. When I’m away.”

“It’s sweet, Tommo,” Niall said, so sincerely Louis’ chest felt tight.

When he looked back at the phone Briana was watching him, a similarly thoughtful look on her face. Louis scowled and she grinned, like she always did when he made faces at her.

“Gimme a sec,” she said, getting up off the floor. She lifted the phone so he could watch Freddie toddle along next to her, arms out for balance. It was slow, wobbly, but it was getting there. Louis grinned so wide his cheeks ached.

Briana set the phone up on the nightstand next to the bed and grabbed the book, tossing Freddie into the pillows. He shrieked with delight and kicked his feet, hands up like he wanted more. He loved being tossed about, that one. Might be a daredevil; Louis lamented his karma.

“Time to read,” Briana said, tugging Freddie into her lap. He made a few garbled noises of protest before settling against her, hands already grabbing at the book. Briana looked at the phone and smiled at Louis. “Ready?”

“Ready,” Louis said, and caught Niall looking over with a smile on his face. Briana turned to page one.

 

 

 

 

“Your phone,” Niall says, right in Louis’ ear, voice low and growly from how early it is. He’s lying right on top of him, furnace warm and a little sweaty. “Your phone is going.”

“Shut it up,” Louis says, rolling over and folding Niall up in his arms, holding him tight. Niall doesn’t even struggle, just sighs and nuzzles under Louis’ chin, kissing at his scruff. Their hips knock together. Niall’s as hard as he is. Maybe it’s worth being up right now.

The phone vibrates across the bedside table again.

“I can’t tell if it’s a text or a call,” Niall says, untangling himself. Louis has never hated whoever’s trying to get ahold of him more. Niall rolls away and Louis lets him go, trying to find that sleepy place again. It’s not worth it, it’s never worth it.

“It’s Liam,” Niall says, coming back. He drapes himself over Louis again, pointy chin digging into Louis’ shoulder. The phone wiggles in Louis’ face. “Might as well look.”

“You just wanna know,” Louis complains, but he’s unlocking his phone and diving into his texts, seeing what the fuss is about. The sooner they figure it out, the sooner they can get to the orgasms portion of the morning.

“Liam sent me paparazzi photos,” Louis says, frowning and scrolling through the texts.

There's a handful of them from when he and Niall stopped at the Starbucks other day. Along with a handful of question marks. Each picture, accompanied by more question marks.

“Weren't exactly subtle, were we?” Niall asks, sounding absolutely thrilled. He clicks one, zooms in, cackles gleefully at how obvious it is that Louis’ arm is wrapped around his waist.

“We were only getting coffee,” Louis says indignantly, but it's true. They look like the epitome of the honeymoon phase. Standing too close, leaning in too far to talk.

Inside the Starbucks they were hanging off each other a bit. When they hit the sidewalk, there was some distance between them -- Louis wasn’t even holding Niall's hand -- but there are a couple pictures where they’re smiling at each other like idiots. Very obvious idiots. Louis grins.

“Next he’ll be sending me Mirror articles,” Louis sighs, closing up his phone. He doesn’t really need to look anymore, he was there. The paparazzi got what they got, if they got anything.

“‘One Direction Lads Closer Than Ever’,” Niall says, in his American announcer voice, arcing his hand through the air, an invisible marquee. “‘Starbucks between studio sessions? You tell us!’”

“‘Louis Tomlinson Snogs Former Bandmate Niall Horan’,” Louis says, rolling on top of Niall. His American announcer voice is much worse than Niall’s. Niall laughs, wiggling underneath him. “‘Is a reunion on the horizon?’”

“I don’t think they’d catch on, even if we snogged,” Niall says, very seriously. His eyes are navy blue in the low light of the room. Pale skin glowing like moonlight, dark of his moles like constellations -- an inverted night sky.

“What’s the face?” Niall asks, wrinkling his nose. Louis shakes his head; there are only so many times he can declare his undying love before it gets monotonous. He plans on doing this for years, he won’t let it get old so soon.

“Just lookin’,” he says, rubbing his knuckles softly against Niall’s scruffy jawline. Niall nuzzles at him, blinking like a kitten. Honestly, truly terrible, this one. “Anyhow, snogging, right. Is that an invitation to kiss you in public?”

“Inadvisable,” Niall says sternly. That’s what everyone else had said, too. There had been a couple of meetings. Louis doesn’t actually care what they advise. He’s _never_ really taking anyone else’s advice into consideration. ‘Cept maybe his mum’s. He wishes he could ask her.

“Dare ya,” Louis says, with a wicked grin. Niall cackles, chin tilting up enough for Louis to go for his throat, teeth digging into his neck. Niall shoves his jaw down and hits Louis on the head so hard, he jerks back. “Wanker.”

“Y’ started it!” Niall says. He’s still giggling, flushed pink and curling up on himself. He presses his smile into the pillow and looks up at Louis all demurely. Honestly, truly _terrible_.

“How about this,” Niall says, propping himself up on his elbow. His teeth dig into his bottom lip thoughtfully. “Post one of them pictures from the trip. One of the two of us.”

“Bit risky,” Louis says, wrinkling his nose. He knows he’s going to do it, he just wants Niall to insist. He likes when Niall insists.

“Dare ya,” Niall says. And that’s that.

Louis groans and rolls over, grabbing up his phone, ignoring the texts from Liam. They probably should have said something sooner -- they included the whole getting together bit in an update email after they got back, of course, but the decision to let whatever happen happen in terms of coming out, being out -- they hadn’t said anything about that.

To be fair, everyone’s been busy. Both of them writing and working, making time to see each other in between. Liam will live.

There’s a folder from the trip in Louis’ gallery, so he pulls it up and starts scrolling through. Niall presses himself to Louis’ side, watching over his shoulder. There are tons, more than Louis thought there would be.

There’s a set from the beach during sunset, the last stop they made before they got to LA. Sat next to each other on the picnic table, grinning, sticking their tongues out -- pointing, peace signs, West Side. Ones where they’re kissing, taken after they both looked around for a solid minute, paranoid beyond belief.

Louis’ favorite is one he got right after Niall kissed his cheek, but he didn’t pull away, left his forehead pressed to the side of Louis’ face, nose crinkled up, grinning wide. His hands gripping Louis’ pullover so tightly the collar’s skewed. Louis can see the ink of his chest tattoo, the shadow of a love bite Niall left him that morning.

They’re both blushing pink, happy as hell, and Louis can feel his heart pound when he looks at it. He looks at it and thinks: this is it, this is everything.

He posts it with the caption: _Hello beautiful._

**Author's Note:**

> if Louis and Niall simultaneously disappear anytime soon, that's when this takes place.
> 
> fic title from Troye Sivan's _for him._ and the picture captions are from State Champ's _If I'm Lucky_ \-- both of which you can listen to on Spotify, along with the rest of [“Tommo’s Soppy Road Trip Mix”](https://open.spotify.com/user/floralsneakers/playlist/2OFUIie94zuVzPaw1yeTin). the playlist is in chronological order, so I don't suggest listening and reading at the same time, but if you _do_... lmk how that turns out.
> 
> as always, Alex is available on [tumblr](http://queerlyalex.tumblr.com). [clicky](http://queerlyalex.tumblr.com/post/157427251327/pairing-niall-horanlouis-tomlinson-rating) to reblog this fic w the fancy fic cover. check out the [fic tag](http://queerlyalex.tumblr.com/tagged/hello-sunshine), for ambiance.
> 
> thank you for reading! <3


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